freezingrayne: (Sherlock)
Gotta say, though I do love my major, sometimes it feels like it's going to drive me round the bend. Nothing messes with your head quite as much as philosophy does.

So here I am on a stormy Monday afternoon, trying to defend the fact that I have a consciousness and that I do indeed have control over whether or not I reach for my coffee cup.

The world is very strange.
freezingrayne: (Calavera.  Manny Calavera)
It's been a fucker of a week and words cannot describe how glad I am it's Friday.
Pretty sure I failed a physics test on wedenesday, but [personal profile] mmefrankenstein feels like she did too, not to mention the rest of the class.

I got a C+ on my Shakespeare essay, which I actually worked really hard on. My roommate got the same grade, which we find sort of suspicious.
One day I'll make a post detailing the SHEER LUNACY that is my Shakespeare class. Honestly, I sometimes find myself looking around for the cameras. I don't think I've ever met a professor who likes to hear himself talk this much. The TA is exceedingly patronizing, and they both treat the students like we're idiots.

I have this feeling that they're grading all of the papers badly on purpose, so they can leave EXTREMELY HELPFUL COMMENTS all over the margins and wax poetic at us. The professor and the TA want to show us how by carefully following their bizarre rules and confusing prompts (seriously, the paper assignment was one fucking page long. Single-spaced), we can gradually write better papers, and maybe one day hope to be as magnificent as they are.

So this week hasn't been great for my GPA. But it's been alright for my sanity. My grades might be bad this semester, but I honestly don't give a shit. I haven't not given a shit in a long time.

It feels great.
freezingrayne: (Sebastian)
Just about to start a new semester at gorgeous, beautiful UMD. *insert eye roll*

All kidding aside, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm all moved into my apartment now, meaning that I'm ten minutes away from school instead of an hour, which removes a lot of the stress from it. Also, most of my classes are highly relevant to my interests, so that should motivate me to do the work.

I haven't ever felt this good about school, I don't think. Things really do get better in college.

two down

May. 16th, 2010 02:54 pm
freezingrayne: (Guy)
Two finals down, two to go. I feel like I basically rocked Ancient History, and Italian went pretty well too. I'm glad, since I had to wake up at 5:45 in the morning to make it to my 8:00 am final in time. Just Free Will and Physics left to do.

After that summer will have officially started and I can ease on down south to visit the lovely [personal profile] mmefrankenstein. We'll be selling art at Animazement in Raleigh, which is gonna be awesome, especially since she's made us some rocking' costumes (I'm Yuri, she's Flynn). It's gonna be nice.
freezingrayne: (Roxas)
My week has been improving steadily, thank goodness, since it was basically a shithole on Monday and then...something below a shithole on Tuesday, and for a little while I did nothing but stress out and feel like crying, but the last two days have been better. All I really did today was eat some delicious food and watch Merlin, and write some porn for the Tri-Ace Kink Meme. It should be up by the weekend.

Exams start next week, and I am feeling considerably calmer about that than I was a couple days ago. My last day of class is Tuesday, thank.

Off to sort-of study for my oral exam in Italian. Though that's sort of hard to study for.
freezingrayne: (Default)
I feel like all I ever do on this journal is complain. That, and post fic. But lately it's all seemed to be badly articulated Issues In My Life. I also think I'm one of the youngest people in my f-list, which always makes me feel like everyone's going, "Oh look at the whiny twenty-one year old again." Which I know they probably aren't, since they could always not read it. And writing it always does make me feel better.

cut for your convenience )
freezingrayne: (Frederic)
Free Will is an awesome class--one of the most intriguing I've taken for my major so far, but god dammit does it make my brain hurt. It mostly made sense at first, but now the philosophers seem to be going Bat-Shit Crazy.

L'esame del Italiano on Tuesday. Been studying like a crazy person all morning, in between getting irritated by children shrieking outside my window and taking breaks in order to Read A Book, which gets capitalized because I barely have time to do it anymore. (Obviously, I mean fiction. I read Italian textbooks, Greek plays, and philosophical treatises with startling regularity.)

Going to my mother's house for Easter Dinner, because it means a lot to her and I haven't seen her in awhile. All I have to do is steer clear of any conversation topic that deals with the catholic church, abuse scandals, and papal accountability, since these will invariably end with us shouting at each other, her blaming everything on The Gays, and me wanting to hit her over the head with something. My mom's a sweet lady, but she has a tendency to believe whatever anyone tells her, and side with the church no matter what they start doing. Honestly, they could begin sacrficing virgins and she would be down with it.

I jest, I jest. At least, I hope I do.

Mrrf.

Mar. 30th, 2010 02:43 pm
freezingrayne: (Sanzo)
So I feel sort of awful today.

I didn't go in to campus this morning, mostly because I'm exhausted and I only have one class on Tuesday, and it takes and hour to get there and an hour to get back. Of course, that class is the one where the professor will drop your grade by a letter if you have more than five 'unexcused' absences, as in, without a doctor's note or a death in the family, becasue clearly we are all ten years old and utterly irresponsible and unable to determine whether or not we are well enough to go to class. I understand this in high school, but once you get to college I think you realize that if you don't go to class, you don't do as well. Or, with me and Logic last semester, you realize you don't need to go to lecture, since you can just teach yourself from the book. I got an A+ in that class, and didn't go to half of them.

I'm sort of...bummed out. And burnt out. I have a feeling that I'm not going to do as well this semester as I have been doing, and that really irritates me, since I wake up early and drive a fucking hour to get to class, and then spend literally hours a day studying when I get home. I mean, what more can I do?

All of these feelings (which are usually swirling around my head, though on the back burner) have been exaserbated tody by a play that I have been assigned to read for Ancient History.
Yes, I realize it was written thousands of years ago and people were very different then than they were now, but having to read pages and pages of this little shithead rail on and on about how evil women are, and how they are the source of all the pain in the world, and that it would be better if they would be like the dumb animals and just shut up. And all this just stems from the fact that someone mentioned to him that a married woman is in love with him.
And then there are the other themes in the play, such that all sexual desire is evil, the only real love is platonic love, Aphrodite is an evil bitch yada yada yada. And that the Ancient Greeks would see this guy as the Tragic Hero, because look at him, all the pain he goes through, he has to deal with all these women.
And I know, I know why this was assigned. It gives a really good look at the Greek's culture, and it's valuable from a historical perspective, but it just makes me so...tired. And enraged. And tired of being enraged. And makes me wish I hadn't taken this course, and just gone on in blissful ignorance about how awesome classical times seemed. Makes me not want to take Renaissance History.

Bluh. Sorry for spamming. Just had to get it off my chest.
freezingrayne: (Kamina)
Got a mid-term and a quiz tomorrow, oh joy. *studystudystudy*

I'm a little worried about physics--I am just not very good at science. It totally does not hold my interest, but I've got to take it for the core requirements at UMD. So far I've mostly gotten away with taking stuff that interests me and that I'm pretty informed about, but oftentimes in physics I sit there feeling like a Complete Idiot which is...not fun.

THERMODYNAMICS WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME.

In other news...had a lot of fun doing [community profile] newgameplus. Being prompted for something really makes me write things I'd never have thought of on my own, which is always fun.

I'm currently playing Resonance of Fate. Omigod, so odd. Five hours in and there are just beginning to be stirrings of a plot, but it fills me with the sort of nonsensical joy that I haven't experienced since I played Shadow Hearts. The dynamic between the three main characters is awesome, and the battle system is original and fun. I heartily recommend it to those of you who are not put off by weirdness.

Off to study some more.
freezingrayne: (Kamina)
Finally, finally, that glorious week of spring break has arrived.

It is only slightly marred by the two papers I have to write, one a physics report on Crude Oil (which to me always sounds like oil that is getting a little fresh with you) and one on the archaeology behind the Bible.
We are past the Israelites in Ancient History and are moving on to Greece, which is Unbelievably Awesome. In the beginning of the lecture, my professor prefaced by saying, "I apologize in advance for all the nudity--the Greeks like to take their clothes off."

This was followed by the most cock I have ever seen in a college lecture. We talked about the disparity between the sexes, and then we talked about naked, oily, public wrestling. To quote my professor again, "The young men would take their clothes off and touch each other." He likes to be shocking, I think, and other times I think he just likes to talk about sex. Which is fine.

And I definitely can get behind Greek wrestling.

Ugh. Lots of work. But not today, because it's MY BIRTHDAY!!! I am finally legal, friends. Twenty-one. Whew. Going out to dinner, and then going to a bar with my two best friends. Should be fun.
freezingrayne: (Sigmund)
Got my first esame d'italiano tomorrow. I'm sort of nervous about it, but I suppose that goes with the territory. I have studied so fucking much that my brain hurts, along with various parts of my body.
Note to self: working seven hours friday, satruday, sunday, and then having five class on monday sucks hardcore.
I am getting really worn-down this semester, which sucks, 'cause I really don't want to quit my job, or let my grades slide. I have worked really hard to maintain that damn 4.0 GPA throughout my first year and a half at college.
So hopefully everything will work out.
freezingrayne: (Ezio)
I like my school, I really do. My professors have all been awesome and I've met some excellent people, and the courses I've taken have mostly been really cool and challenging. However, there are so many things about the College Park campus that just make me want to bang my head against the wall.

First off--it is so fucking big. And yes, I know, it has to be, since there are so many departments and students, but walking a mile from my parking lot to my first class at nine in the morning is annoying, and also FREEZING. Though I have lost some weight from it, which is always nice.
Also--as some people may be aware, Maryland apparently has a really excellent basketball team, and people come from all over to watch the games. This means that any student who parks in one of four parking lots has to move their car three hours before the game. Recenlty, that hour is smack dab in the fucking middle of my physics class. You are allowed to park in another lot, but not till 4 pm, which is when my class starts. So if the game starts at eight, I have to be out of lot 6 by five, meaning I have to leave class at around 4:35, which means I miss most of fucking class.
And to this I really say aslkdjfkl;adjsf;lkjsaf because this is a school, assholes, not a sport's club. And I know, I know, athletics are important to some people, but not to me, and aren't I paying just as much as everyone else is to be here?

Blur. Sorry about the blather.

Snow

Feb. 3rd, 2010 08:08 am
freezingrayne: (Default)
It snowed again here last night, and I was sorting of hoping that at least one of my classes would be cancelled, but no luck. Which means I have to slide my way to school. I'm not going to my first class--I just don't think I have time to dig out my car and make it all the way to College Park without injuring myself and others.

I just really hope they've bothered to salt and plow the paths--last time they stayed open after a snow there were people falling down all over the place, and apparently some girl broke her leg. Ah well, all that sacrificed in the pursuit of knowledge, right?
freezingrayne: (Guy)
Walked across campus this morning and froze my freakin' ass off. Seriously, you know something is ridiculous when by the afternoon it's twenty five degrees and you're thinking how nice it feels.
Why do I still live here?
And of course, if I complain, my dad--who went to school in Michigan--calls me a puss.
Ah well. Ideally, I'd like to live somewhere that stays pretty mild. And rains a lot. So pretty much my choices are Seattle or Japan, or something like that.

I saw an anti-gay bumper sticker on my way into campus today, and boy did it put me in a wonderful mood for the rest of the day. Nothing like spreading hate around on the back of your car. I know everyone is entitled their own opinions, but I was still filled with anger and tempted to key the guy's car. I'm glad I didn't--that sort of retaliation won't get anyone anywhere.

And finally and completely unrelated--I really like Lady Gaga. Just got her CD. I don't usually like hip-hop, I think it all tends to sound really similiar and tired, but I think she is really cool. She's sexy, sometimes bordering on trashy, but it definitely works for her. See--women like sex too. I know, it's a foreign concpet. When I think of hip-hop I usually imagine a guy singing and a bunch of scantily clad women all dancing around him--Lady Gaga does it in reverse. Most of her videos are her and a bunch of sexy, mostly naked dudes. Of course, this means she gets called "slut" a lot, which irritates me.

Ah well, just a silly monday post.
freezingrayne: (Guy)
I just spent twelve hours at school. While this sounds like a bad horror story, it is going to be my life for the next semester.
I don't live at the University of Maryland, I live closer to DC, about 40 minutes away, but that's without traffic. Seeing as there is lots of traffic, I have to wake up at 7:45 am in order to make it to my first class at ten, and then I have classes at eleve, twelve, and one after that. Then I get to sit around for two hours until four, when I have yet another class, which goes until five-fifteen. After than I get back in my car and spent two hours on the beltway. I almost nodded off at the wheel twice tonight, which is not a safe practice.

Of course, this huge day is only two days out of the week--another two still involve getting up early but don't go on quite as long. Then of course, I have work at the damn coffeeshop, which I really need so I can pay for gas to get me to school. So all of this leaves very little time for actual studying and, say, other shit I like to do. Like eat. And sleep.
The logical thing to do would be to do my work during my two hour break during the day, but unfortunately there is a mile walk between my parking lot and my first class, meaning lugging heavy books is not an option.

I know I shouldn't be complaining, since I am so lucky I even have the oppurtunity to go to college, and I know things could be much, much worse. But still, it sucks, and I feel like the world is conspiring against me. I have that helpless sort of feeling I remember from a couple years ago when I was at UNCA and horribly depressed and cutting my arms up all the time.
Hopefully it won't come to that this time.

Sorry to spam you all with this.

I did learn some things though. Bounsera! Mi chiamo Rayne. Sono del Maryland
Umm...that's about all the Italian I've learned so far.

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December 2011

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